Alcoholism – the Progression Downwards
“Perhaps the most severe damage to those who have shared some part of life with an alcoholic comes in the form of the nagging belief that they are somehow at fault”
Alcoholism is a “family” disease – those closest to the addicted individual progress downwards.
Compulsive drinking affects the drinker, and it affect’s the drinker’s relationships: friendships, employment, childhood, parenthood, love affairs, marriages all suffer from the effects of alcoholism.
Those special relationships in which a person is really close to an alcoholic are affected most, and people who care are the most caught up in the behavior of another person. They react to an alcoholic’s behavior. They see that the drinking is out of hand, and try to control it. They are ashamed of the public scenes, but in private they try to handle it.
It isn’t long before they feel they are to blame and take on the hurt, the fears, and the guilt of an alcoholic.
Their Obsession
These well-meaning people begin to count the number of drinks another person is having. They pour expensive liquor down the drains, search the house for hidden bottles, listen for the sound of opening cans. All their thinking is directed at what the alcoholic is doing or not doing and the hope the drinker will stop drinking. This is their obsession.
Their Anxiety
Watching other human beings slowly kill themselves with alcohol is painful. While alcoholics don’t seem to worry about the bills, the job, the children, or the condition of their health, the people around them begin to worry. They make the mistake of covering up. They fix everything, make excuses, tell little lies to mend damaged relationships, and they worry some more. This is their anxiety.
Their Anger
Sooner or later the alcoholics behavior makes other people angry. They realize that the alcoholic is not taking care of responsibilities, is telling lies, using them. They have begun to feel that the alcoholic doesn’t love them, and they want to strike back, punish, make the alcoholic pay for the hurt and frustration caused by uncontrolled drinking. This is their anger.
Their Denial
Those who are close to the alcoholic begin to pretend. They accept promises, they believe the problem has gone away each time there is a sober period. When good sense tells them there is something wrong with the alcoholic’s drinking and thinking, they still hide how they feel and what they know. This is their denial.
Their Guilt
Perhaps the most severe damage to those who have shared some part of life with an alcoholic comes in the form of the nagging belief that they are somehow at fault: they were not up to it all, not attractive enough, not clever enough to have solved this problem for the one they love. They think it was something they did or did not do. These are their feelings of guilt.